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BOGONKO BOSIRE'S TAKE ON CAROLINE MUTOKO.

Posted by Unknown at 14:44 | 0 comments


God, Please Take Away Caroline Mutoko — The Princess of Darkness and Vanity

 

The rightfully-resented Caroline Mutoko is equally talented and equally twisted.
When incendiary Nairobi Senator Mike Sonko asked Mutoko how many people (men and women)had fucked her, she feigned self-righteousness. The fact remains, Sonko asked a question on behalf of the Kenyan people. And they deserve an answer.
Alter all, she was not fucked to get a kid. She adopted a kid. Maybe she doesn’t have a pussy, maybe she an alien from another planet deployed to spy on planet earth.
For the record, I hate Caroline Mutoko — I resent her with sperm-spitting zeal, but I adore her humble sister Regina Mutoko. She once called my school KIMC, the bedrock of Kenyan journalism, a den of inequity. I am truly sorry that nobody has ever thought of spiking her drink. Long before she started puking every morning, contaminating our airwaves, I knew she was an asshole who would someday hideously hijacked morning radio, ruin my day and transform herself into a shameless prima donna.
I know Mutoko does not like me; neither do I like her, so its fair game. Mutoko is the kind of woman who can mess with the whole town and then dance on top of the graves of the many hapless souls she has trampled upon on her way to the top. She is to radio what Jezebel was to the Israelis.
She has my two books which she has never bothered to return; The Professor and the Madman the Marie Antoinette. I surely, truly and deeply do not need them; I think they are contaminated.
You know, I once liked her, admired her, prayed for her. I thought she could help re-write our history; save the girl child, restore my pride on humanity – at least my new friend has restored that – and after three decades in life, make me matter.  But I realised her code name: Traitor, the heartless, gutless, soulless woman who just hates people. The woman who wasted my time when I believed in her; a woman who is pure fraud.
I never wish people bad, but allow me to wish that she loses her voice; gets of radio for the rest of his life. When that day comes, I will buy a bottle of a single malt and carton of Red Bull and celebrate with my great friend, the Princess of Honesty. And maybe call Bernard Momanyi, Rob Jillo, Dennis Itumbi, Martin Gitau, Paul Baraza, Richard Bosire, Caren Kiki Kimkung, Mwaniki Munuhe, Milton Nyakundi, and the two certified losers CORD parrots, Maseme Machuka and Phil Etale.
Ask Clay Muganda, he tried to broker a truce between Mutoko and me. Thank God, he failed, because I cannot imagine being her friend. I’d rather die. Or drink myself to death.
As Muganda will tell you, or maybe not, I knew Mutoko the same time I knew Mwendwa Kiogora, who later on rejected my romantic overtures, leaving me a train wreck, sullen and alone, my hopelessness only matched my appetite for a Guinness and a coke.
This is not a story about me, but about Mutoko and Sonko, two tribespeople sparring on live radio, with one exposing the hypocrisies of the other, leaving me thoroughly entertained. Yes indeed, these two are equal opportunity offenders.
Sonko aka Gideon Mbuvi knows something about Mutoko:  He knows more than what I do.  Everybody knows Mutoko reportedly slept with her boss. Everybody knows she reportedly stole Linda Holt’s shades while at Capital FM. Everybody knows she was reportedly fired from Commercial Bank of Africa (CBA) for stealing a few thousands.
So on Thursday morning, Mutoko called up Sonko and asked him why he dishes handouts to hips impoverished constituents money instead of establishing a project that will be their for sometimes?
Worked up, Sonko descended into a pychodrama, freshly unearthing the continued disdain Kenyans have for the woman, who was reportedly accused shagging Mutula Kilonzo to death. He called Mutoko terrible things. He wishes misfortune upon her, then strips her naked.
“I think you are either under the influence of something or working for someone,You are manner-less you also smoke cigarettes all the time!” he thundered on air, a comment that left my pubic hair erect, my dick flaccid and my crotch on fire. Sonko made my morning for the first time in a decade.
“(Wewe ni malaya) You are a whore; you how many people (have) fucked you,” Sonko asked the middle-aged, self-loathing Mutoko, then sunk his fangs into her crotch.
I cranked up the radio volume.
“Go Wewe kwenda! Wewe mjinga kumbaff (Go away, you are a fool!) I am going to deal with you and Chipukizi …  I will deal with your personally!Wewe nyege zako na sigara zako peleka huko carnivore ! (Take your coital urges and cigarettes to Carvinore.)”
So the Jackal News called up Sonko, invited him for a glass of expensive Single Malt, in a bid to understand what the fuck is happening. Or not happening. And who the howling rage in a national radio?
“She smokes cigarettes and uses drugs in order not to get old. Why is she not married; let her get her own husband instead of poaching other people’s men …. That woman is a bitch, she is easy-going and loves young boys,” he said, adding plaintively “She should go to court if she wants.”
“She was saying my work is just to dish out money to people. She abused Nairobi people saying they usually file outside my office begging for handouts. She was just discussing negative things about me;  how Chipukizi will impregnate my daughters. Last week, they discussed how Chipukizi will impregnate the daughter of the president.”
This time, Sonko added, they threw stones at a police station. Yes Sonko is that police station.
Again Sonko: “On twitter she posted that if it was not for the drugs I have been selling, I would have been a vendor at Gikomba market. My response is I am a fan of cases and I do not fear prison. Those people she claims are lining up in my offices are some of the same people who voted for me.
Sonko got agitated, his monologue soared because he is is unflinchingly honest, naked with emotions and embarrassments most of us keep penned inside. Indeed, Sonko dived into dark places, but the same time, payed tribute to the Nairobi voters who stood by him, trusted in him.
“I pledged that I am going to commit my salary to the people and there is no way people can come to my office all the way from Korogocho, Dandora and Dagoretti …  to bring there problems, including school fees, capital … and then I let them go back without bus fares or money for food.”
“Theres no way a woman can come to see me with a school fees problem then I give her a school fees cheque then fail to give her pocket money for her daughter.”
“Everywoman is not as rich as Caroline Mutoko. She earns salary of over Ksh 800,000 and spends it with her family. Unlike her, I can account for my salary because it goes to the people. I will continuing giving handouts for now until the government starts disbursing youth and women fund.
Then, in a sore note, he concluded: “The last time when women  were detained in Pumwani and Mama Lucy Kibaki hospital, I went there to pay their bills. Was that hand outs? When doctors went on strike I took old women to Nairobi Hospital; was that handouts.”
In my career, I have places and seen faces. I have argued with presidents, warlords, thieves, CEOs, prostitutes, pimps and street kids, but I have never met anybody I have come to resent like Caroline Mutoko. Jakoyo Midiwo comes close, but he never abused my school KIMC.
She has never apologised to my school, where Linus Kaikai, Dennis Itumbi, Rita Tinina, Rob Jillo, Robin Njogu, Sophie Ikenye, Alice Muthengi, Moses Rono sharpened their teeth. And perhaps genitals. Mind you, KIMC is not Daystar University, shitty underdog that has mass-processed homosexuals, dump bimbos, single mothers and sex addicts. That is why it keeps advertising itself like the devil seeking converts.
The KIMC alumnus deserves an apology, and until it comes, I will let Mutoko  — enjoy the dignity of being told the truth and, I wish, she spends eternity tonguing Satan’s flaming anus.



http://www.thejackalnews.com/media/god-please-take-away-caroline-mutoko-princess-darkness-vanity

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